Constantly Evolving
As a mom, I make SO many mistakes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad, and my main mission in life is to be the best mom that I can be, but anyone who says they’ve got it down to a science is LYING. I do a lot right, and I am an amazing mom to my kids. I’m the best mom that I know how to be. But, I’m also constantly evolving and learning new things. I’m also constantly making mistakes and learning how to do better and VOWING to do better the next time. Perfect isn’t attainable. You guys know I preach this all the time. Be the best that you can be. Mistakes are ok as long as you learn from them and do better.
I recently started reading Lauren Akins book “Live in Love”. Lauren is country superstar Thomas Rhett’s amazing, successful, badass wife. I hate even saying it that way, because she is amazing and inspirational all on her own, but he is equally as awesome, so next time, if I write about him, I will preface it with Thomas Rhett, badass mom, author, and Missionary, Lauren Akins Husband. Anyway, follow Lauren on Instagram! Her page is so amazing- her family is beautiful, and beautifully unique. They are as down to earth as down to earth can be with all that fanfare. And, the work that she does is amazing, selfless, and awe inspiring.
I’m 76 pages in on her new book, and I have learned so much. It’s her story, but the simplicity of how she grew up, the tightness of her family, the fact that friends and family are most important to her, resonated with me a lot. Also, her parents, and how they raised her, and the lessons they instilled in her have taught me so much already, and it has made me want to do a little bit better at this whole parenting gig. Her dad is blunt, wise, and the epitome of an amazing father. A father who doesn’t helicopter parent, but who is open and honest, and talks to his kids enough that they don’t WANT to disappoint them. And when they did make mistakes, they felt it to their bones, and wanted to learn and do better the next time. Her mom is fun, and all about friends and family. She made every day, every memorable and fun. Reading this book (and I still have a long way to go) has already given me a list of goals for my family, and how I raise my kids. I want to bring simplicity and fun. I want to laugh A LOT. I want to be silly, and I want them to learn every day. I want them to be kind, inclusive, and enjoy the beauty of every day. I want them to realize just how lucky they are, not only to just be here, but for what they are surrounded with. The love of so many, a close knit family, and an amazing group of friends.
So, here are some things that I want to bring into our every day lives, thanks to Lauren Akins. It might seem simple, and obvious, but these simple things are often overlooked these days. I want to bring a little bit of the simple fun and laughter back.
My new goals:
Eat dinner together, no electronics. Like DUH. Growing up we always sat around the table. TV off, and you didn’t DARE answer that HOUSE phone if it rang (no cell phones yet, ladies and gents). I pretend to do this, but I REALLY suck at it. It’s easier to let them go off where they want to eat (even if it’s in front of a TV). There’s less arguments over making them eat, there’s less chaos…. and unfortunately there’s less family time.
So, this will change TODAY. It’s hard in our house because dad isn’t home until after dinner most nights. And I let that be an excuse, but it shouldn’t be. Those who are here can still sit around that table, talk about their day, talk about the pits and peaks of the day, ask questions, and have (GASP) conversation! We will not even touch an electronic, and the tv will most definitely be off. I know this is going to be a challenge, but I am going to really work on having dinner time be family time again. I can’t believe it ever became anything else. I know it will be hard, and I know they will fight me on it. I know it will take a bit to learn manners and new rules, but I am excited for this change, for this time to talk to my kids, and for it to be a time that they will remember as very important in our home.
Say what we are thankful for every day. I plan to make this part of our new dinner time routine. We will start for thanking God for our food, and going around and saying what we were thankful for today. I grew up Catholic, but we don’t attend church anymore (that’s another goal for another time), and praying is just about the only religious thing I do anymore. This is something that I do want to change, but I came to a point where there were things that I didn’t agree with in my religion, and I just need to find the right fit again. This is important because my kids are very interested in God. For people who aren’t religious, and don’t talk much about it, they seem to just have it in them. “What’s God’s last name?”, “So, God is EVERYWHERE?!”, “God protected me from falling”, are just a few comments that have come out of their sweet mouths. We will get there, and we will figure out that routine, and before then (stepping stones people), we will thank God for our food, express what we are thankful for in our day, and being thankful for just waking up healthy and happy that morning.
Do simple things together, like set up blankets under the stars and talk. Lauren talks about how one of her and her friends favorite activities was setting up a blanket under the stars and just talking for hours. Growing up in Pound Ridge, NY, we used to do this also. The sky was so vast and black, and there were SO many stars. My rood was perfect to go out and sit on, and we would climb out the window and lay there and watch. We would talk and just marvel at how big this world was. So, last night, we set a fire in the fire pit, and I told the boys to go get blankets and pillows, and we laid and watched the stars. James wanted to get one, and Michael informed him that it was gas and he couldn’t… we’ll explain more at another star gazing session! haha… I love this time to just be together. I love this time to talk. I loved hearing my boys tell each other “I love you” multiple times in this time. It’s a such a great time to just be together, talk, and connect.
Star gazing with my boys.
Be carefree, daring, and fun. Lauren talks about how she could never say no to a dare- that it was in her blood. She then talked about how her mom and dad had a funny, sometimes gross part of their relationship, where they would dare each other crazy things- and ALWAYS do it. Her mom dropped a sandwich on a cow patty, and her dad (pre mom and dad age) dared her to eat it. She brushed it off… and did! Later in life when they were married with kids, it was snowing and her dad dared her mom to put on a bikini and roll down the snow covered hill. She did. She was numb and in pain, but victorious because she did it. And later, the girls put on bikinis and jumped on the trampoline and laughed and laughed.
I make a point to try to be fun, and do fun things that will create memories. My boys have had full out spaghetti fights (it was angel hair and it was messy!), and colored shaving cream fights. And I allow it because I love the laughter and the memories that it will create. I made it a point to go off the diving board and swim with them a lot more this summer. My husband takes them fishing all of the time. But, my goal will be to make this more constant. To have things occur every day that when they look back they will remember a fun house, filled with laughter, and have countless stories. I want to play more games of kickball, and less Nintendo switch time. OR, I want to battle them on Nintendo Switch and kick their butt in those old school Nintendo games! I want to simply BE together and LAUGH a lot. Not that we don’t do that, but we can always do better. Which brings me to my last goal…
Started out as a sensory bin, turned into a full blown spaghetti fight!
Started out as a science experiment, because body paint.
Water slides with my crew!
If we make a mistake, let them know it’s ok as long as they learn from it and do better the next time. I actually talked about this in my Good Enough Mother blog, and it is something that I whole heartedly believe. Mistakes are OK! As long as we acknowledge them, learn from them and do better the next time. You have a fight with your husband in front of the kids? Ok, not ideal… but make up in front of them, explain that grown ups, and people in general, have disagreements, come to a solution or compromise, and let go and move on. Yell at them a little too harshly? When you get your bearings, tell them you’re sorry for how you reacted, but you got frustrated because…. Both of you can apologize to each other for your wrong doing.
In “Live in Love” Lauren makes a few innocent kid mistakes. One time, her family got a trampoline, and her dad put strict rules in place. They broke the rule and got hurt. She was of course scared that her dad would take the trampoline away. “Now what good would it do to take the trampoline away now?” he said. “Does it make any sense that I would throw it away after you learned your lesson? You did learn your lesson right?” She responded “yes. "And you’ll do better next time?” Again, she responded “Yes.” “You’ll follow the rules and make sure that all your friend follow the rules?” Another “Yes.” He went on, “Well, good… when you make mistakes, learn from ‘em. Do better next time. Do a little better tomorrow. I just wish you’d listened to me in the first place, because I’ve already made a lot of mistakes in my life, and if you’ll listen to me, maybe you wont’ have to make those mistakes yourself…”
WOW. What a great response and lesson. What good is taking something away? Teach a lesson, and have them do the right thing. Now, not every kid may listen and learn as well as Lauren did, but it’s a lesson I’m willing to try. I think they’ll catch on pretty quick.
In another example, Lauren rode her bike further than she was supposed to. There were rules in place on where they could and couldn’t go, and she broke that rule. Her parents asked her where they went because it was dark when they returned home, and she told the truth. She got in huge trouble, got grounded, no bikes and no friends for awhile. In the grand scheme of life, it was a tiny incident, she rode a bit further than she was supposed to, but she broke their rules and their trust in her. She apologized to her dad, and this was his response (I think I just need him on my shoulder to help me through this parenting thing).
“I know you’re sorry… We all make mistakes. WHat’s important is that we learn from them and make better decisions next time. And I guarantee you there will be times when you’ll make more”… “You’re older now. I won’t be there with you all the time, and I can’t make up your mind for you. I’m just here to guide you, and I just hope that you make the easier choices. Well, maybe the harder choices at the time, but the choices that will make your life easier.”
Think about what mistakes your kids have made, and how you have responded. And next time, think about how you can make it a learning experience. How can you make them WANT to do better. I plan on flat out explaining their mistake and putting that question in their hands. “How can you do better next time?” or, just flat out, “I know you’re sorry. You’ll do better next time.” What is the point of crucifying kids for making mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn! Mistakes can be hard, but they can also be a beautiful thing, and an amazing learning experience. Hell, I make mistakes every day that I’m still learning from. And i’ll be making them when I’m 90 (God willing). So, teach, learn from them, and let go and move on. Also, have trust in your kids. They are amazing, smart, good little humans. Let them be themselves, and let them be little.
To get “Live in Love” visit LaurenAkins.Com.
