Momconditional Love
Having kids feels like putting yourself last for the rest of your life. Not just because of them, but because of their hobbies, their friends, their boyfriends/girlfriends, your unborn grandchildren, your life partner, your tribe (because we are loyal friends) AND, AND… all of the support you will need to give each of these people during all of their relationships and their relationship with YOU. This means.. it is actually, absolutely, undoubtedly, necessary, to put yourself FIRST. We cannot pour from an empty wine glass all the time. We have all heard the saying “happy wife, happy life”. We all giggle and eye-roll but, it’s true. I know my household feels it when I am all out of sorts or under stress. We run this mother. That’s concrete. And most days, just keeping our emotions in check is a victory in itself. And sometimes, we snap. I do. I yell, I tell my kids I’m going to beat their ass. Do I? No. Do I want to? Yes. Going back to the large victory thing.. it’s real.
My name is Mary and I have a 7 y/o son, 7 y/o step-daughter and 14 month old baby girl. I also watch my niece and nephew a few days a week. IT GETS CRAZY IN THIS HOUSE. “You sound like a heard of elephants” is something I never understood my parents saying as a kid. Now I get it and am graced with a stampede on the regular. BUT, I have a lot of little hands to pick green beans and stack firewood. I also have a lot of eyeballs to help with my walking baby who eats ladybugs. Perspective people.
Back to putting ourselves first. Self-care comes in so many forms. Recognizing when we need it is sometimes the hard part. Along with my kids, I currently have 49 chickens, large multi-crop gardens, 23 house plants and never-ending dishes & laundry. It’s easy to get SO busy that we don’t make time for ourselves. I have become quite good at finding my 10-15 minute windows of rest, reflection or whatever I want during the day. I am also a good communicator to everyone in my family when I need to meditate, drink a whole bottle of wine, have a girl’s night or when I need to take an hour-long shower. And guess what? It works. Communication goes a long way and keeping that channel open is a big contributor to balancing mental health. We are so good at taking care of everyone around us but we must also take care of ourselves. We are the glue that holds our house together and your family knows it! BUT - you do not need to be the type of glue that looks for a missing pokemon card you did not lose. Balance ladies.
Even though I have a tiny army to look after, and along with being a chef, maid, thumb war judge, boo boo kisser, underdog giver & homsteader.. I am also a great big kid playing with all of my kids. Getting to re-live my childhood from another perspective is such a blessing and I didn’t come to realize this until I became a stay at home mother. I’m so grateful for my crazy days that fly by, and the ones that are slow-lived. I think the biggest blessing is being able to share a lot of the daily struggles and stress of motherhood with fellow mums. I hope you all give yourself a big pat on the back, an orgasm, or whatever else you reward yourself with because you DESERVE it.
Momality Guest Blogger, Mary Elaine Hale
Mary lives in Maine with her family on her newly established farm @pumpkinhillfarm_ with a focus in pasture raised poultry and fresh eggs. Hobbies include yoga, hiking, skiing, cooking, working in her many gardens and chasing chickens & kids. Check out her page @maryelainehale for all the farm inspo, meal ideas, or just for fun!
